The title of this post may seem like a strange one, for a homeschooling blog. But it’s something that’s been weighing on my mind lately. My middle child, Bug, is a mystery to me. While Stargirl has thrived in a homeschooling environment, things haven’t gone quite as well for Bug.
Let me back up a few years. When Bug was 18 months old, he went to “school” for the first time. Really, it was a toddler program for early intervention kids. He had some issues with speech and fine motor skills, so we took him to “class” a couple of times a week, where he worked on his skills and played with other kids.
He was still in need of speech therapy when he was 3, so he moved on to preschool. He got to ride the bus to and from school, his speech improved, and he LOVED his classroom environment!
When he was 5, we sent him to our local public school. Once again, he had a wonderful teacher, made some great friends, and really enjoyed school. However, we had a few issues with academics. Bug was brilliant in reading and math, but he struggled with handwriting (he still does). He moved up to a first grade reading class, but that meant he missed math. Technically, it was OK, because he had already passed the kindergarten benchmarks for math. It was the best solution at the time, but it wasn’t ideal.
The following year we pulled him out of school to homeschool him. Our local school district was going to a four day week, and we weren’t happy with that. So for the last three years, we’ve been homeschooling. And for the last three years, Bug has indicated that he misses being in an environment where he sees his friends every day.
Academically, Bug is doing well homeschooling. But he’s a social guy, and even though he takes karate, is active in church, and goes to Cub Scouts, it just doesn’t seem like he gets enough “socialization” for his taste. As an introvert, this is not something I really understand, but I realize he needs people.
He also needs a lot of structure and a lot of direction. Bug does best when he’s busy, but there are times during the day when I’m tied up helping Stargirl with her schoolwork or attending to Boo’s needs. And that’s when Bug starts to get into trouble.
So, my husband and I are thinking of sending him to our local Christian school next year. Bug has mixed feelings. On the one hand, he wants to be around other kids every day. On the other hand, he knows that much more of his day will be tied up with school, and he’s not thrilled about that.
Still, looking into the future, this is a child who will likely want to go to high school to play high school sports. And of course Sportsguy, who graduated from this Christian school and still announces school football and basketball games, would love to see Bug play for his alma mater.
I never thought we’d consider brick and mortor school again. But in this case it may be the best thing. Our decision hinges on a lot of things, most importantly being finances. Barring divine intervention, I’m not sure we can swing tuition, even with some sort of scholarship. However, I’ve seen divine intervention enough times to know that things may change between now and the time we’d need to register him.
Big decisions are on the horizon. What would you do?
Great article Lynnae. I love that you are putting your thoughts out there. I am in a similar situation – but more lost than you are! I am a public school educator myself. I’ve taught second grade for 7 years and for the past 3 years I’ve taught early intervention to kindergarteners and first graders. I have the utmost respect for and love my fellow coworkers. However, I have a son who is nearly three (I have some time to make my decision still!) and I am contemplating home schooling him or putting him in a local private school for a couple of reasons. Truthfully, I feel the private school would be the best choice for him but it is a matter of cost for us as well. Education is one of the most important decisions we will make for our children. This weighs heavy on my mind (and heart) as well. It sounds like you also know what is the best decision for your son, and if your heart is telling you what is right, I believe you are correct in saying that God can work out the rest. (:
Thanks for the encouragement, Denise! Parenting can be tough sometimes, can’t it? I just keep reminding myself that God’s grace can cover even those times when we’re not sure we’re making the right decisions.
You and your husband are thoughtful, caring and prayerful parents. You fully recognize your children as individuals with different needs. I am confident you will reach the decision that is best for both of them. God will indeed provide the resources needed.
When the Lord clearly shows you that your son is needing to go to school somewhere other than your home, you’ll know!
Since you know us personally, you know that I have a total social butterfly, too! But since she hasn’t ever been to school anywhere but home, she’s learned over the years to be content with the social contacts we already have. Twice a week at church; worship dance class at another church; homeschool bowling or skating every other week; playdates and sleepovers with friends. Since she hasn’t experienced school “on the dark side” (just kidding!)
she doesn’t know what it’s like to be around peers for hours and hours at a time, all day at school.
What I’ve done as a homeschool mom to a social butterfly is learn to be flexible about social get-togethers. Often, the girls will ask if someone can stay the night, on the spur of the moment. Unless we already have something going on that evening, I usually say yes. I don’t worry what the house looks like or what food I have in the cupboard; we just make do and invite people over. That has really helped my girls to feel like I care about their social needs for friends and to get together with them.
I’d suggest that you also consider that his needs for socializing shouldn’t be placed above the needs for your family bonding, especially in the jr. high and high school years when it’s much more critical to spend a lot of time together. I’m sure you’ve already prayed about that.
If you believe that the Lord is still calling you to homeschool him, then continue to provide him with the social events and outlets that you’ve mentioned. Continue to invite his friends over and have him get together with the guys he enjoys the most! I don’t know if your social bug complains about not being around children all day long. He probably doesn’t. If my social butterfly was complaining a lot about her social life, though, and she was still around her friends and peers at least 4-5 times per week, I wouldn’t let her complaints sway me to place her into school.
It would totally have to be the Lord convincing me that she needed to be having 6+ hours of social time per day with her peers to have us change our minds about where she went to school. I’ll be praying for you, Lynnae.
Julieanne
http://www.JoyInOurJourney.com